Pakai Tudung, Tutup Dada. Pakai Jubah Pun Jadi Mangsa Deraan Seksual

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"Perempuan tu pakai seksi kot... entah-entah dia yang gatal, tak jaga diri.... perangai memang nak mintak kena rogol..."

Jijik sangat statement ni.

Dan video latest tu. Gambar x-ray tu. Somebody posted it and I saw it. Couldn't sleep. Pagi tu ada exam Usul Fiqh II and I couldn't sleep. Because the trauma came back and I had to calm myself down or else tak boleh jawab exam.

It could've easily been one of us ladies. Could've easily been me...

Kenapa? Sebab I was a victim of sexual harassment. Not just one guy. So many. Some I knew. Most I didn't. Don't want to remember. Not once, but so many times. Lost count. Alhamdulillah I wasn't raped. Managed to escape the situation. Ran away. Left the scene. Left the environment. Left work in Damansara. Left Shah Alam. Ran.

Adakah benda-benda ni jadi dekat perempuan yang pakai dan behave menggoda je? Was I scantily clad, mekap tebal, seductive behaviour?

Tak. Pakai tudung, tutup dada. Pakai jubah. Seluar longgar, baju labuh. At one point, even pakai purdah - but I was told to take it off sebab nampak mysterious dan tempting. Always senyum. Tak menggatal. Bercakap lucah bukan zikir harian. Tak bertepuk tampar dengan lelaki.

Yet that happened.

And I was blamed each time.

Kenapa jalan tak ajak kawan?

Kenapa pakai tudung merah?

Kenapa pakai hitam dari atas sampai bawah?

Kenapa pakai lipstick, eyeliner?

Aiman senyum dekat diorang ke?

Dan macam2 lagi soalan. Ridiculous ones.

Kenapa salahkan Aiman? Aiman buat hal sendiri. Aiman tak kacau orang. Aiman siap pakai purdah supaya orang tak tengok muka Aiman. Why not analyze behaviour lelaki tu semua? Diorang memang membesar tak respect perempuan ke? Diorang selalu tengok porn ke? Violent porn? BDSM? Tak cukup kasih sayang dari mak ke? Kena tinggal kekasih pastu nak revenge ke?

Almost kidnapped dalam bas Rapid. Jalan dengan my brother, yet still ada lelaki yang langgar siku dia straight at my chest. Berdiri dalam bas. Kena sentuh punggung. Nak masuk kereta, lelaki tarik. Too many situations that I don't want to remember by writing this. I hate basements. I hate lifts. I hate closed spaces. I hate places that remind me of my struggle to escape. Kenapa tak report polis? Didn't want to remember the details. Didn't want to remember their demonic faces and filthy hands.

More than 4 years. Bertarung dengan depression. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Anxiety Disorder. Depended on psychiatrist's pills to survive. Pergi counseling centre macam part of jadual kelas. Pindah UIA, in hopes of a safer environment. Start hafal Quran to help heal my soul. My battered soul... Menjerit waktu exam Criminal Law sebab topik rape, murder, kidnapping terlalu menyakitkan. When I was in my second year, one of the lecturers used to call me once every 2 days to make sure I was still alive (God bless him). Terlalu sakit... Cut myself countless times so that pain kat dalam tu boleh keluar. Overdosed on pills. Spent six to seven months screaming everyday at home due to the pain inside my heart, inside my mind. Tried to die, by God I tried so many times. Tapi sambil tu sambil merintih doa supaya Allah bagi aku kekuatan untuk terus hidup. But that was a horrible period of my life.

Kenapa jadi teruk macam tu?

Sebab sesetengah lelaki sangat tak guna.

Jangan cakap tutup aurat penuh tu akan jamin selamat. One of my friends ada fetish suka perempuan tutup aurat. To quote, "lagi nampak alim dan terjaga lagi la exciting to imagine their moans when I corrupt them".

Bukan perempuan sahaja yang kena jaga diri. 

Lelaki kena drill dalam diri yang perempuan itu untuk dihormati, bukan untuk diguna sesuka hati.

Islam dah datang untuk tinggikan maruah perempuan. Untuk dilindungi, dihormati, disayangi. Sebab tu la Quran cakap "Arrijalu qawwamun 'ala nisa". Sebab kau kena lead the way supaya perempuan tu dapat dijaga sebaik-baiknya. Yet you bising-bising perempuan kena hormat lelaki dan dan bila perempuan salah sikit you start demeaning perempuan sexually. Do you apply the same concept of hormat?

Baru tadi baca komen, "perempuan materialistik camni patut bagi barai dulu... hantaran murah sikit bila roadblock takda".

Baru haritu, kawan cakap, "Saja la kan. I think I would never marry you, y'know. Kau berat. Small girls are easier to maneuver during sex." Okay, never mind. Aku tak kisah pun aku overweight, less desirable you guys see me, the safer I am.

Again, do you apply the same concept of hormat to women?

Oh, and before you comment, "Lawa sangat ke Aiman ni sampai kena camtu?" No, don't have to be as pretty as Mira Filzah or Emma Watson for things to happen. It just happens.

Why? Because you simply view us as a piece of fuckable meat.

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Sorry for the bad words. Need to let this out. So that people know that a safe environment is a shared responsibility: perempuan jaga diri, lelaki hormat perempuan. Safe and sound.

Share if you wanna.

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FYI alhamdulillah, sekarang dah sembuh. I'm okay now. Smiling and laughing again. Many thanks to those who helped me to live again. If anyone ever encountered similar experiences and need someone to talk to, buzz me up. - Nur Aiman Kautsar